We're all garbagemen and fast food is our route. We all appreciate a good meal but we can't pretend that we don't enjoy the programmed meals. Here's the link to a handy tool to help rank your fast food into tier lists. Only rank the one's you've had, and explain your reasoning.
http://feedkaceytron.com/tierlists/fastfood/
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C-tier: Food that I have never had a good experience with
Sonic - Every fucking time there has been so much oil I have nearly thrown up. They have a bunch of cool slushie flavors but they're so corn syrupy I again, nearly throw up. It's like a hangover without getting to be drunk first.
Panda Express - Bland, really dry so they add a layer of oil to try and make the food eatable. The last three times I've eaten there I have gotten bedriddenly sick afterwards. Maybe I'm a pussy, or maybe I'm allergic to dog meat.
Arby's - One night I was in a car with friends and we spent an hour trying to find a sandwich shop that was open because we all wanted Italian subs. After we found out five shops were closed we settled on Arby's. The Italian sandwich tastes like it's rancid. It was beyond repulsive. A bite from the fruit of knowledge, the lesson being don't eat at Arby's
Quiznos - I put them here because they fired my friend for correcting a manager on how much change she owed a customer.
B-tier: Food I generally never go for but have had a good meal there occasionally
Jack-in-the-Box - It's like Purina for people, but every now and again it's the only place open and I can get a decent chicken sandwich for cheap. Everything else lacks so much self awareness. Like the eggrolls.
Five Guys - Fuck this place. Yeah the burger is fine, but not for twelve fucking dollars. The fries are limp and overly salty and the fry-to-burger ratio is intentionally stacked toward fries so they can justify charging you more for the burger. Eat a cock, Kike Guys.
Pizza Hut - A sleepover staple when I was a kid. They've actually improved since those days but I still wouldn't choose them over another chain honestly. Their pizz gives me a warm feeling.
Little Caesars - Also a pizz that gives me a warm feeling. When I would go see my grandparents that was the first dinner, followed by comfy TV watching with my grandpa before falling asleep in a bigger bed than the one at home to the dead silence of the country. I have to be fair though, the pizza is not great.
Taco Bell - I fucking love the soft tacos and the quesadillas but nothing else. Well that's a lie I unironically like the Doritos tacos. But the last time I had a quesadilla it literally tasted like bleach and burned my mouth. Also somehow slightly more expensive than most places despite being McDonald's for Mexican food.
Subway - I will crave the shit out of a chicken chipotle southwest sandwich now and again. But then I get it and somehow after eating a footlong sub am hungry three hours later. Plus the last time I pulled up drunk to a late night Subway the sandwich guy was crying while Comfortably Numb played at 11 over the restaurant intercom. I left without ordering and cried in my own car. Not great for your brand, Subway. Neither was the pedophilia.
A-list: Decent food that I can enjoy but have some gripes with
In-N-Out: I'm just gonna say it, this place is beyond overrated. Califag invaders will move to a state without these and then act like they left Mecca and pray towards it every day. If we go there, I won't say no, the burgers are good, if the buns are a little dense, but the fucking fries. Their fries are literal styrofoam trash. They dust apart in your mouth.
Domino's - Greasy, melty, saucy fuckin' pizza with garlic crust. Fills you up and kisses you goodnight. Great regular deals. If you go outside of marinara and regular toppings though you're running a gambit. The wings aren't good either.
McDonald's - I live and die for the breakfast items and the nuggets, and I'm only putting them here due to conditioning that goes back to my toddler years. I can only do so much.
Burger King - After a ten hour shift at a warehouse, the Burger King dollar menu was my saving grace going home. Their burgers actually taste like real burgers while having the McD price point. Also has anyone noticed that old people go to BK almost in defiance of McD? My grandpa was like that.
KFC - My family is hungry, I don't want to cook, and I can feed four people with twenty bucks. This restaurant can only be enjoyed if you're ravenously hungry and can eat it within fifteen minutes. All other times it's a non-entity.
Dairy Queen - Ice cream (seaweed thickening agent and vanilla) aside, their sandwiches aren't that bad. They're kind of like Wendy's but just a little short on taste.
Jimmy John's - Another food that's only enjoyed while ravenous. Also their delivery is fucking stupid, of course you'll be fast if you deliver ten square meters from your store. That's not a fucking bragging point. If you could speedrun across the city in 15 minutes regularly THAT would be impressive.
S-tier: Good ass fuckin' shit
Carl's Jr. - I used to take the bus to go to driving school, and the schedule meant I had an hour to eat a burger from this magical place. I don't know why this place resonates with me so much, but it just does. I can't really rationalize it's place here. I eat Carl's Jr. the same way I read Archie's Sonic.
Wendy's - There are only two bad items on this entire fucking menu. Two. Everything else slaps, and you can get most of it for five dollars. They have a chicken caesar wrap that's good. A FAST FOOD CAESAR WRAP THAT'S GOOD. Their only sin is trying to sweep the SPICY GOODNESS commercial under the rug by hiring some zoomer to shitpost on twitter. I didn't forget what you did, Wendy's.
Papa John's - I only put this here because I've had it and it was better than the other pizzas on the list. They win the quality award, which is what this list was about. If this was a sentimentality contest Little Caesars would win.
Popeye's - Two spicy three pieces, side of jambalaya, give me extra cajun gravy on the potatoes. I come home to my girlfriend at the time and we cuddle on the couch, eat our bounty and watch Innerspace. The only problem is their shrimp, which I never get anyway, and the occasional bone fragment in the jambalaya.
S+ tier: The best ass fuckin' shit
Whataburger - THIS IS WHAT IN-N-OUT WISHES THEIR BITCH ASS COULD BE. The first time I had this was in Houston and I didn't specify what size I wanted and they just gave me a large because they aren't PUSSIES. I order one meal and get to eat for another fucking day. Spicy ketchup? Hell yes. Jalapenos and bacon? Hell yes. And get me a Dr. Pepper with that because Texans don't drink Coke, faggot. (Note I am not a Texan)
Jersey Mike's - Again, only on here because it's the best sandwich out of all presented. The only sandwich restaurant I would sperg out about would be the MSM deli in Tacoma, Washington, and that is a sacred sperg out that will not be put next to fast food.
Qdoba - Didn't even bother putting fucking Chipotle on the list because Qdoba is all you fucking need from a burrito. Does Chipotle have three different kinds of queso you can get? No? Just e. coli from locally sourced (read: factory farm using a shell company) sources? Does Chipotle have fucking bacon? Fuck no. Chipotle has nothing and Qdoba has everything, including the cooler name.
Chick-Fil-A - Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only, the fag feather rustlin', fresh chicken hustlin' grand daddy of all fast food. The hype is real. I had spent my whole life hearing about this place and never knew what it was. Then one day, after a lot of petitioning I might add, they finally franchised a location to Tacoma. The drive thru line went to the fucking highway ramp. Not even three years later there were five more locations up and down the I-5 corridor. This place tastes just fresh. It tastes like real fucking food. It's so juicy. And the sauces do not fuck around.
God. Damn.
